The Rusty Gold Coin

What does a rusty gold coin signify?
What implicit meaning could it bring?

To be dependent is not exactly bad because everyone is related in every sense. So, what difference does it conclude? Dependency is a addiction, a drug that pollutes your system. As much as I would like to depend on someone else, I'd rather not. I'd rather put myself in a dire situation than to actually believe in that person's credibility. Even if I do, I could not placed a 100% trust. Perhaps, it is my own defects, my own characteristics that made me this way; I barely put my trust on people. Mainly because I believe that the trust will always be exploited for other usage. Thus, what brings me to this rusty gold coin was just a small event in my life. A gold coin that is supposed to contribute greatly to the person's wealth was no longer valuable. Implicitly, the trust faded. The trust has been exploited and it was not just the first time but few other occasions. Too young and naive perhaps, but I have finally reached a decision on my own. I'd rather be a lone ranger. Hunting on my own, living on my own without the existence of people. Somehow and somewhat, humans are really scary but the scariest thing has yet to be developed. Humans are mysterious. However, their intentions are much more complicated, worse compared to the black hole.

The First Chapter of the Semester

Plentiful things have happened these few months. Somehow, I felt the impact of every tiny little things that appeared in my life as well as those, vanished from my very own eyes. I could not comprehend most of the things but I do try to understand the nature of life.

Time for a reality check. I felt like myself turning into someone, somebody I could barely recognize if I were to compare myself from the day I came into this big city and the person I am today. Be it good or bad, I am in doubt, I am constantly analyzing my behavior and a warning alarm was always ready to be ignited. I do not want evolution. I do not wish to see myself walking out from the circle of society I have build so far. I do not wish to be different. I just wanted a simple life, and soon a wealthy one. But, there are situations where I am indeed yearning for a trial, an experience, a taste of humanity; a taste of what people described as life. I am yearning for those, looking forward for more life exposure. However, as I proceed, I am always surrounded by guilt; engulfed in the flame of fear, surrounded by the laughter of sinisterly evil and wicked souls. I am in much doubt, trying to sustain and control, and perhaps disabling myself would lead to a better outcome. Every single moment, what I did, will always be reviewed and I always regret my own decision but I still proceed with it. Somehow, I am a hypocrite to begin with, but I am very clear of my path, of my life and of my future. Whoever I am does not matter to me. I am everybody - just another person walking down the road in the streets of people.

~Michael Ch'ng~

The Way of Life

It was never an intention; it never cross my thoughts; perhaps it does, I barely remember. Drifting on the water, the boat was forced into the mist - a storm that will soon come to be. Feeling insecure, I grabbed the paddle with all my might and I shoved it into the water which seems like a thick molten lava. Without any aid of vision, I was directly heading for my judgement. Soon, the flow of water froze and the momentum of the boat was halted. Failing to utilize my senses, I am vulnerable to any attacks.
I froze.
Something was not right at the moment. My blood was boiling in fear under the barely lit moonlight. My senses were stolen right in front of me and I stand nothing but a puppet being manipulated. It was the darkest moment; the darkest hour of my life and I could not do a single thing about it. Regret as I was but not before I know what will happen to me, I will not give up.

It pictures what I am, the feeling that lingers inside me, holding my every single breath. A life as you remember is not about having everything, but a few things that are important to you. Perhaps you had not experienced it yet. The river flows, the mountain stood and the world rotates, but do mankind ever listen and pay attention to their surroundings? Learn to observe, learn to give and take but never indulge yourself in an act that detonate the bomb inside you.

Excuses are just excuses

What happens when someone came to you and said, " I've tried my best. I studied day and night but I still can't score!" Well, what would be your first impression? Firstly, he is a nuisance? Secondly, perhaps he has got nothing better to do and decided to blurt something out of the ordinary? Thirdly, any reasons that you can come up with. It is not a sin to utter such, perhaps nonsensical but logical sentences. Yes, you burn midnight oil everyday but perhaps, you lack of something. Commitment. Effort. Willpower. Whichever of these that you failed to cultivate will lead you nowhere from your starting point. It is just another circle, going one cycle after another. In the end, you obtain and achieve nothing but perhaps, you have wasted some of your time doing unproductive things. It is not unusual but common. People just lost interest in what they do, perhaps too many distractions in reality that brings their heart elsewhere instead of its rightful position. However, I personally think that those sentences are purely uttered out of unconscious mind. Not to be rude, those are just wrong. Totally unacceptable. After going through endless cycles of merry-go-round, you came back to a simple excuse. " I've tried my best. I studied day and night but I still can't score!"

No matter what you do, when you start giving excuses, that is when you stop moving forward.
~Michael Ch'ng~

For I am a human, you are nothing more than it

I held out my hands, trying reach for you, to reach for your problems; but sadly, I get nothing in return. The same attitude; the same expression I see will never change. How could I be of any help? Being apart of your lives allow me to ponder mine as well, seeking the more interesting section of the pie chart, and ignoring the maths of complicated reasoning. However, it is not a good reason to dump everything behind; and just go on, enjoying your life. I am not saying you should not enjoy, but learn to comprehend. Seek reasons behind every action. Nobody does something without a valid reasoning. It is just like 1 + 1 = 2. You do not argue, but you accept because there are reasons for it. I defy regulations, create my own rules, just to make sure, perhaps you would really understand that I am truly on your side. You took advantage but I could not be bothered much because I knew what was going to happen. It is just a matter of time. In the end, what you have lost is more than what you have gained. For me, I have gained and receive nothing but perhaps, somehow I felt a connection between us. Much more than a friend, blood-related perhaps, siblings to be exact. Well, at least I do not regret my actions. Learn from your mistakes because there is hardly second chance in this world.

"For I am a human, you are nothing more than it. Because we are both equal."
~Michael Ch'ng~

The randomness of life

Looking back, digging through the chapters of my life,
I could not describe much,
Friends;
Family;
Familiarity;
Failure;
Forgiveness;
Forbidden;
Forgo;
It was not much of a life perhaps,
But I lived through days and nights,
Contemplating, determining, and many thoughts happen to cross my mind,
My journey has just begun,
Although I have been awake for so long,
20 years of my teenage life,
Empty.
Memories are just slideshows,
Limited.
Limit is it,
I'm growing up,
I'm learning to be more independent as I go,
You should too, my friend.
Life is not about one thing in particular,
Everything links,
They bond,
A line that ties us forever, unbreakable;
Till the graveyard we go.
Today, I live,
Tomorrow, I live,
The day after and the rest of the coming days,
We never know,
Because we never care,
It is life and what we do is living it to the fullest,
To the extent of satisfaction.
What makes us human in the end,
Is what make us one.

When effort doesn't pay

What happens when you fail to obtain something that you wish for? When you realize the effort you put in does not come back to you fairly. When the long awaited seed does not grow, but eventually fail to manifest. Desperation glooms around, clouding your emotions and finally drive you into a state of despair, leaving you helpless. Frankly, I would be in a much worst state as many others would. However, learning to overcome this failure could just open a new door for yourself.
A door, perhaps not just a pathway; it is the light, the wisdom that you will never obtain from being a winner forever. A sense of dissatisfaction perhaps, due to efforts poured and money spent. Maybe it is too expensive, a price not worth to be paid, but think about it again. Have you not learned from your mistakes for this once, you will never be able to do so the next time.